


Bonds & Hardships

by TheAngelofFate



Series: stories of what I would want to happen in upcoming episodes compared to what will actually happen in them [1]
Category: Batman - All Media Types, Titans (TV 2018)
Genre: Angst, Bat bros, Batfamily, Brotherly Angst, Brotherly Love, Brothers, Bruce is also a good father, Dick is a good big brother, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Fluff and Angst, Gen, Hurt/Comfort, I can not stress the fact that this is platonic, Jason needs a hug, No Slash, big bro dick
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-10-25
Updated: 2019-10-25
Packaged: 2021-01-02 18:04:37
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,504
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21165863
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TheAngelofFate/pseuds/TheAngelofFate
Summary: Ever since he was rescued from Deathstroke, nothings been the same. Everyone was blaming him for things he didn't do. His nightmares, the panic attacks, his own self hatred, it never stopped. He'd give anything for it to just stop.(aka, my own thoughts on what I would want to happen in episode 9 compared to what will actually happen.)





	Bonds & Hardships

**Author's Note:**

> Finally was able to catch up with the Titans show, and with Curran Walters performance in the most recent episode, I have a strong urge to write for Jason Todd. This will be my first Titans fanfic but I have written for Jason and Dick in the past, so I'm gonna use those as references while still holding true to the how they act in Titans.
> 
> Also I don't think is what's gonna happen in the next episode but a girl can dream for some brotherly affection, can't she? I mean, that's what fanfics are for, huh?

Nothing made sense to him anymore. It was like he was in a perpetual loop of chaos. Like everything was falling apart around him and it was all his fault, or at least that's what everyone else was saying, right? Everyone downstairs, the people that were suppose to be his friends, his teammates were now blaming things on him. The fucking crosses on Raven's wall, the bourbon bottle in Hank's room, the stupid soda bottle in Donna's. What the fuck was wrong with them? He hadn't done shit to any of them, all he'd been doing was starring out his window, remembering the moment that he almost fucking died, for hours on end. Watched as his own windowed replayed himself falling, the building pasting by him at the speed of light, as his vision hued green.

If he really had wanted to prank them, he wouldn't have picked such touchy topics, he knows better then to use pain as a joke, Bruce taught him better then that, hell his uncle taught him better then that and he was drunk almost half the time of Jason's life. But no, _oh fucking no_, they didn't believe him.

Everything was always his fault, right?

Jason let out a small sniff, as he stared out into the vast city of San Francisco. Looking down at his hands, he saw them shaking, his vision blurred and his heart felt like it was gonna explode any second.

But maybe, they _were_ right? Look at all the shit he's done throughout his fucked up life? Maybe he was the cause of everything. After all, if he hadn't made that comment on the news, then the new Titans wouldn't have a target on their back, his fault, right? If he hadn't run off to prove himself to Dick, like all the times he tried to do that with Bruce, he wouldn't have gotten captured by Deathstroke and therefore he wouldn't have almost bit the dust, that was on him, right?

_God, they were right, weren't they?_

This was all his fault.

Then for a split second, his near death flashed before his eyes. Dick screaming his name as Jason started free falling, the green lights and the buildings passing by, the whispers. 

A sob escaped him, broken and shattered as tears flowed down his cheeks. There was something inside him. It was like he was cursed or fucking something? Cursed to always have bad things happen to him and others around him. His uncle Ray, that kid getting shot, his teammates down below hating each other, it was all on him, no one else but him. Looking down, he watched as cars passed by down below. Watched as the people of San Francisco walked by this building, not knowing or caring that a 17 year old —because of course he lied about how old he actually was— standing up on a roof, contemplating about ending all the pain he's caused his friends. Because if he ended it right here and now then that would fix everything, right? That would makes things better. Clear the air from the toxic poison in his veins.

Right?

But then Dick, fucking _Richard Grayson_ comes barreling through the door like a bat out of hell. From behind him, Jason could hear that Dick was trying to remain calm and stoic as he tried to talk him down from jumping, but somehow Jason could just hear the concern in his voice, like Dick actually fucking cared about him, like Bruce does, or did. And maybe they actually did and _fucking hell_ if that didn't make him feel _worse_ about himself, knowing that they cared and knowing that he had failed them.

Both of them.

"I keep falling."

And it was true, every time he looked out a window, saw the city before him, he remembered. And ever since then, it hadn't stopped, the fear and pain kept coming and coming. Hell, he had felt this way even before Deathstroke snatched him up. Because his life was nothing but a mess of fear and pain, he just never wanted to admit it, because he knew if he did then that would make it all the more real, that everything his dad and the cops back in Gotham use to say about him was true.

_Falling_

_Falling_

It never stopped, the nightmares, the panic attacks, it just never stopped going.

God, he just wanted everything to stop.

Dick said he was okay, that he needed to step away from the ledge and when Jason refused, he saw Dick out of his peripherals walking over to the ledge a few meters away from him. "Then we can sit here quietly. Together."

That word brought forth a different memory. One where he first met Bruce, where Bruce, with his hand held out to him and said that it wasn't too late for him. That he still had a chance to turn his life around, only if he came with him. "_You don't have to live this way. Filled with anger and fear, I can help you. Together."_ Jason found it funny that as many times as Dick denied that he was anything like Bruce, it seems they did share a common interest; taking in kids no matter the age limit with broken wings, with fucked up lives.

But giving how poisonous he was, Jason almost wished Bruce left him there in Crime Alley. Because then _none_ of this would be happening. And Jason wouldn't be suffocating from the guilt and shame he was feeling. He wouldn't be feeling like his heart was about to combust, to shatter into a million pieces. Because _no_, he wasn't okay, and Jason thinks that he'll never be okay ever again, or if he ever _really_ was.

And then Dick says something that almost reels Jason so far back from shock he almost stumbles over the edge by accident. "I killed Deathstroke's son."

_Well fuck—_

What the actual hell?

For the first time since he stepped foot on this rooftop Jason actually felt something other then pain and guilt.

Anger

"Are you fucking kidding me?"

Dick notices his anger and hops back over the ledge and onto the rooftop. "Jason—"

But Jason was too far angry to listen to Dick. "Are you telling me that after all the bullshit you spouted at me for what I did to those cops back then, and here you are saying that you went out and killed fucking Deathstroke's kid? That Rose was right when she said her brother got into the wrong fucking crowd?" Dick looked at him, the shame and guilt written all over his face. But Jason kept the anger close to his heart because right now it was better then feeling worthless. Then finally Jason stepped back over onto the rooftop and within seconds, threw a punch as his so called '_brother_' that Alfred like to refer to them as such. "So when everyone else was blaming me for the shit that's been happening they really should have been blaming you?"

"Jason, listen—" Dick wanted to explain, talk this out. But he didn't want to hear any of it, all he wanted was Dick on the ground with a possible broken nose if he got that lucky.

Jason threw another punch, aiming for Dick's fucking head but the former Robin dodged it easily.

_Dodge_

_Kick_

_Swing_

"I looked up to you! Everything you did, I admired because I knew I could never be that fucking amazing, because of how worthless I was!" His voice broke on that last word, fucking why was his voice failing him, why were there tears in his eyes again? He swung again at Dick, but it was so halfhearted and pathetic that Dick caught it in his hand, and held on tightly. And when Jason tried it again with his other fist, Dick simply caught that one too.

Then the two of them just stood there, two boys fathered and taught by the same man. 

And _god_, did saying all that out loud hurt more then he ever thought possible. He did look up to Dick, to the whole Robin persona. He use to think how amazing it would be if he had a brother as cool as Robin. And then life itself decided to throw him a bone for once and then within a few months he was the adopted brother of the former Robin himself, it was a dream come true.

The tears in his eyes cascaded down his cheeks, through his blurry vision he saw Dick's expression, the guy's eyes widened. Then he watched Dick release one of his fists in one second and then in another Jason felt fingers against the nap of his neck and now he was wrapped in one of those hugs Jason's seen Dick give Rachel off and on the last three months. At first Jason resisted, struggled against the arms holding him close, against those arms that held him tightly, so protectively, almost like the person actually cared.

"I'm sorry." He heard Dick whisper into his hair, as the former Boy Wonder squeezed him tighter. "I'm so sorry, Jason. You're right, all that is happening is my fault. Five years ago, Deathstroke killed a good friend of mine, we were all so angry and vengeful. And we thought... with his son, we— _I_ could make him pay. But Bruce was right, he's always been right. Revenge never solves anything. Killing doesn't fix what we lost. Who Donna lost." The fight within Jason dissipated little by little, as he listen to Dick explain what happened. He tried so hard to hold on to that anger but it was getting so hard to do so, and he was so fucking tired. "None of this is your fault, Jason. None of it is, I promise. And—“ Dick paused momentarily, bringing his hand up and carding it through Jason’s unruly hair. “And I'm sorry I made you feel left out of everything and cast aside. If I know anything about this line of work, is how _frustrating_ it can be when grown ups leave you in the dark. But you have nothing to prove to me _or_ Bruce."

Then slowly, ever so slowly, the dam he had been holding back broke and Jason was clinging to Dick for dear life, as if Dick was the only thing keeping him from falling into the dark abyss that was his own inner demons and self hatred. "Everything you were I wanted to be. But I knew I never could!"

And _oh_ how true that was.

He buried his running nose and Dick's shirt and sobbed, and Dick held him all the tighter. "I know." He said with a nod of his head. "I'm sorry. I'm sorry for all of this. But your not a fuck up, your not poisonous or cursed. You're family, Jason and I'm sorry it took me three months and you almost dying to realize that." Jason's legs crumbled underneath him and Dick brought them to the floor of the roof, never breaking contact with the boy in his arms. And there they stayed, the two of them kneeling on the ground holding one another.

Then finally, Dick broke the silence. "We should get back to everyone downstairs." Upon the mere mention of the team Jason stiffened as Dick made to pull away. The former Robin took notice of this, "What's wrong?"

Jason opened his mouth, but his breathe hitched in his throat. "They blamed me for for putting some fucking shit in theirs rooms. Stuff that brought up bad memories or some shit. I said I didn't do, but they don't believe me. Giving me that same look my dad use to give me." He sniffed loudly, his nose running from how much he had been crying. "Maybe their right, I haven't been the same since I got back." His voice stifled for a minute or two, then he finally looked Dick in the eyes and asked. "Do you think I did it?"

Dick smiled at him, softly as they made their way back towards the door to the roof, his '_brothers_' arm wrapped around his shoulders. "No, Jason, I don't." The former Robin have his shoulders a gentle squeeze, a sign of comfort, that he was there unlike everyone else. "You didn't do anything, it's Slade, he's here in the building. He's trying to drive us all apart."

That made Jason stop short, but before he could even reply to that statement. They were suddenly back downstairs standing in front of everyone, immediately his shoulders tensed. Rachel was the first to send him a glare, then Hank and Donna. God, if looks could kill, Jason would have been dead a long time ago. He shied away from them all, curling away further into Dick's arms that was still around his shoulders, he felt like a kid again and it was so fucking frustrating. Feeling so helpless and scared, looking for someone for comfort when he felt like he didn't have the right too.

He felt Dick's arm adjust itself and suddenly a hand was on the back of his head, ruffling it gently. "I don't fully understand what happened here. But whatever you all think Jason did doesn't matter."

Rachel looked even angrier then she had been before upon Dick's statement. "He drew crucifixes all over my room!"

Jason shrunk down even further at the ice and venom in Rachel's words. He felt like running away again but Dick kept him rooted to the spot where they stood. "Rachel, I _get_ it. I understand that your upset and angry. That you all are, but Jason didn't do anything. It's Deathstroke, alright? He's here. And—" Dick paused, his voice trailing off as if he realized something. From his peripherals, Jason watched as Dick took out his phone from his back pocket, unlocked it and typed something out. Simultaneously, everyone's phone chimed at the exact same time. Before Dick put his phone back in his pocket Jason was able to make out one single sentence.

_He's watching us, it's not safe here. We need to leave._

Jason turned his eyes towards everyone else. Hank, Kori, Donna, and Dawn were giving each other the same look on their faces. It was the same expression that Bruce had that would have on his face, during all the times they were working when Jason first became Robin, where Bruce would look at the Batcomputer during those long nights in the Batcave and then look at Jason, a caution and fear in his eyes, like he had been concerned for Jason's safety. Back then, he never understood that look, he could just never get why Bruce would have that expression when he was the goddamn Batman, how could he have such a look on his face, but maybe it was his valuable state of mind, but Jason felt like he understood now, and he honestly didn't know if that was a good or bad thing.

With that one simple text, all the adults around them got moving. Kori walked over to Garth and Rachel and moved them towards the hallway, while Donna, Hank and Dawn all but ran to their rooms. That just left him and Dick, alone in the living room. "Dick?" Jason asked his voice hoarse and raw. "Where—?" He began but was interrupted when Dick moved to face him, one hand moving to his shoulder, giving it a gentle squeeze. Then Dick pulled out his phone and typed out another message and slowly handed it to Jason. Like before the message was a single sentence.

_We're going home._

Jason's eyes widened, at the text. Because home meant Gotham, home meant Wayne Manor, home meant _Bruce_. Holy shit, were they really doing this? Was this really happening? Had things gotten so bad now that they had to go home, ask for Bruce’s help? What would Bruce think? Would he'd be disappointed in the both for not fighting back or would he be happy to have them home?

In the end, they had to set fire to the building. Dick said that the smoke and flames would be the perfect escape without Deathstroke following them. Because while they could all take him on head on, they all know they couldn't underestimate Slade, their best option was to flee, so they can come up with a plan. So with the smoke filling the air, they all took the underground tunnels underneath the fireplace. They practically had to drag Rose into the Honda that Dick had hidden safely away just in case. Rose had wanted to find her father and finish what she started, Hank had to hold her down while Kori drove them away.

Dick had Kori drive around San Francisco a few times before he concluded that they weren't being followed by Slade before they made their way towards Gotham City. Rachel had her eyes closed up by the raise and fall of her chest, it was clear she wasn't asleep. Garth, who was actually sleeping head his head resting on Rachel's shoulder. Rose for some odd reason, decided to sleep in the truck, apparently she didn't want anything to do with them. While Hank had a tight, protective hold on around Dawn, so that's just left Jason awake along with Kori and Dick. Leaning his head back against the headrest, Jason closed his eyes and exhaled a deep breathe, turning his head, Jason looked out the window.

God, he was tired, his head hurt, his body ached, he felt like he could sleep for three weeks straight.

Slowly, his vision fogged over and then suddenly, he was free falling again. His heart ceased inside his chest, _shit shit, not again_, not fucking again. _Please, not again..._ A thump formed into his throat, as he felt himself plummeting but he didn't want too. "Dick..?" His voice barely above a whisper as he used his elbow and nudged the older man sitting beside him "_Dick_!" He didn't want to fall again, not again.

He watched out of his peripherals as Dick turned to him, his eyes widened at the state that Jason was in. "Jason?" Dick reached over and placed a hand on his knee. "What's wrong?"

Jason opened his mouth, his eyes glued to the window. "I'm falling again." Because he was, he was always in a constant state of falling. And each time it happened, Jason felt like it would never stop. “It won’t _stop_.” 

Dick placed an arm around Jason's shoulders and pulled him back, tore hid gaze away from the windows blaring green hue and into the croak of Dick’s shoulders, holding him close. "No, you aren't. You're not falling, Jason. I'm right here, and I promise you never will again."

Jason sniffed loudly, he closed his eyes. "Doesn't feel like it."

"I know." Dick nodded, bringing Jason just a bit closer. "I know it doesn't. But how about we wait until we get back home and see if that changes?"

"Does Bruce even know we're coming?"

Dick let out a chuckle, "’Course he does. Called him a little while after we left. He and Alfred came back home early to greet us."

Jason smiled, imagining that right now, Alfred was probably getting everything ready for the multiple guests the Manor would be receiving. "Alfie gets so giddy when there's company over."

The former Robin scoffed quietly, Jason could practically hear the smile in his voice. "He's a butler, I think it's part of his job description."

Both of them laughed and Jason's heart felt a little lighter as they sat there, together. Waiting to come back to the very city that they spent most of their childhood growing up after living such tragedies. Dick carded a hand through his hair, "Get some sleep, I'll wake you when we get there." Jason didn't need to be told twice, he was asleep curled up beside Dick within seconds. And when Dick woke Jason up a few hours later, and he was taken by complete surprise to see fucking Bruce standing by the door of the Honda looking at him and Dick with a smile on his face.

Jason's face almost split in two from the grin that spread a crossed his face. “_Bruce_!” He jumped out of the former Robin's arms and launched himself at his dad. 

And Bruce let out a deep chuckle and held Jason tightly against him, then the older man looked at Dick ruffled the older boy's hair with his finger tips. "So, what can I help you with, son?"

Dick let out a low hum, as he and the rest of his team stepped out of the car. "A place to stay until we figure out what to do?"

Bruce smiled at him, patting Jason on the back, affectionately and nodded. "My doors always open, come on in."

And together, the Bats and the Titans, new and old, walked inside the Manor.

**Author's Note:**

> Ohhhhhh boy this story was longer then I anticipated. I was not expecting it to be so long but I just kept writing and now here we are. Again apologies is I made Dick or Jason OOC to how they actually are in the show. But no matter what incarnation, I can't help but write fluff. I also couldn't help but write DaddyBats either at the end there.
> 
> Anyway, I know this is my first time writing for Titans but I feel like I did an okay job, but a penny for your thoughts? Feedback is always welcome and appreciated in comments down below, if anyone has the time, and I'll see you all later.


End file.
